Princesses and Bravery

So, I see things on Pinterest all that time saying things such as, "Top Ten Books for girls--no princess books on the list!". I feel like there are either women/girls who are super into princesses, especially Disney ones and basically think they are a princess or there are women/girls who are adamantly against princesses and their stories in every way. Why can't there be a middle ground? A place where you can like princesses but still be smart and brave. I say there can and so would Sara Crewe (from the book, A Little Princess).

I do sort of get the anti-princess movement to an extent. Disney markets their princess stuff in often very tacky, overly pink, covered in jewels junk. However, I am fan of Disney movies and Disney princess movies. I even like to go to the Disney store (gasp). The Disney Store often has better merchandise than the horrible stuff Disney sells elsewhere. Disney makes such awesome characters and it is a pity that they ruin them when they sell such tacky stuff.  Do I want my daughter to grow up to be a subservient, woe is me adult? Of course not. Do I want her is be smart, brave, lady-like and imaginative? Yes!

Elanor at about 18 months old.

So here's the thing: I think many women don't exactly know what bravery is or how many sorts of bravery exist. Many women are for having women be more violent and wanting to see women on the battlefield. While there is a time and a place for physical fighting, it is not the bravest thing a girl can do. I love Mulan (the movie) and though she is a very good soldier, that is not what made her brave. Sacrifice and endurance are the two things that make someone brave in my opinion. Mulan sacrificed herself--in taking her father's place in the army, knowing that if they found out she was a woman she would be killed. Belle from Beauty and the Beast likewise sacrificed her freedom and life for her father. Cinderella (both in the actual fairytale and Disney movie) is brave in a very different way. She quietly endures her slavery and then despite her step-mother and sisters, with a little help from her fairy godmother, she goes to the ball. She bravely entered the ballroom and in making that choice she freed herself from her step-mother. The prince saw something rather more special about her and chose, rather intelligently, to dance the night away with Cinderella. A girl, who was humble, kind, hard working, patient and hopeful even in her hopeless plight (in the fairytale her father was alive and well and let all of this happen to her). Most of the Disney princess movies do actually highlight very brave girls, just not brave in an in your face, fighting way. Though Merida is brave in the in your face way, her skill with the bow and headstrong attitude are not what make her truly brave. When Merida learns how to swallow her pride, understand her mother and then speaks to all of those wild men with composure and grace, those were signs Merida had found true bravery.

Our little Merida in the making.

 Elanor and I were reading the story of St. George and the Dragon the other day. In it, St. George meets a girl (a princess) who is walking alone from her castle to the dragon's lair. He asks her what she is doing. She explains that a dragon has been terrorizing her kingdom, all of the people are now within the castle walls, and they have been giving the dragon sheep to appease it. However, when they ran out of sheep, the princess on her own decided to offer herself up to the dragon so that he would leave her people alone. That willing, lonely walk to death is much more difficult than slaying the dragon and takes a good deal more bravery. Of course, St. George took care of the dragon and everything ended happily, but the point is that slaying the dragon was not the "brave" part of the story for me. It was that princess who was willing to die to save her people. 

Most of the popular fairy tales (Snow White, Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood, Rapunzel, etc.) were not only meant to entertain children, but also to instruct. Beauty is not everything, be patient and hold on to your dreams, don't talk to unsavory strangers, do not steal lettuce from a witch's garden (yes, that one is Rapunzel). {Sidenote: Also, Gretel, from Hansel and Gretel is the hero of that story. That little girl is so brave.} Lately, I feel like fairytales have been getting a bad rap. I hear, "too many girls have these expectations of a prince coming to save them and then he never does", etc... There is obviously something else going on here. I was raised on fairytales and had no such delusions and Albert Einstein highly recommends them (it is true!). It is the parents that create silly, self-obsessed girls. Fairytales and princesses have no place in that argument. If girls were going to truly emulate some of these fairytale princesses they would be much more humble, meek, lady-like and so patient. Also girls could take a hint from real-life queens and princesses, because there are some pretty brave women there (Queen Elizabeth I and II, Queen Victoria, Princess Diana, Princess Kate Middleton). They are not perfect, but brave, yes they are. {side note: watch Roman Holiday with Audrey Hepburn to see what princesses life is really like. I love that movie (so terribly sad).}

Elanor channeling her inner Audrey.

Basically, I am trying to say that princesses and their stories are still important and they will not turn your daughter into a prima donna. Fairytales create imagination and magic in a child's life which is so vitally important. I am all for strong, brave girls but she must also be humble and kind. She must also be a lady and girls can learn this from fairytales (obviously not from the likes of the witches, step-mothers and such). I am so tired of feminists saying women should not be like this. What should we be? Men? No! Women. Women who act with grace and meekness and strength (in every sense of the word, both physical and mental). Women who can so easily change the world without swords, guns and wars. Bravery is so much more than fighting, not to say fighting is not brave--it can be when necessary. Bravery is sacrifice, endurance and as Coraline says, it is "when you're scared but you still do it anyway, that's brave". {Sidenote: Coraline by Neil Gaiman is such a good book for girls. Coraline is one of the bravest little girls in children's literature.} There is nothing wrong with princesses, it is the media and advertising and

 attitude that girls need to be beautiful to be valued that is wrong. If you read those age old fairytales, even watch many of the Disney movies, you will find there are many good, strong role models for girls. Plus, girls have so many great books with awesome heroines from the American Girl books to The Little Princess to Anne of Green Gables. 
{Sidenote: In my opinion, there are not as many good books or movies with great role models for boys.} Girls also have plenty of real-life role models and the most important and best one should be her mom. It is a lot for me to live up to. More than anything I want Elanor to be brave, smart, kind, and a true lady.   

{Sidenote: I also think it is important to introduce your daughter to a variety of things. She can like princesses, but also space, jungles, and trains. Elanor's favorite color is yellow, not pink, and she loves alligators, dragons and dinosaurs. She loves a variety of movies and books about all sorts of things, not just princesses. This whole post was about defending princesses, but like everything it should be loved in moderation. Also, girls in many ways have the better end of the deal. They can read "boy" books be into "boy" things, but if a boy decided he would like to dance, then he is teased to no end by his peers and often harassed by his own parents.}

So let there be dressing up, stories and most of all magic. 

Elanor last Halloween as Rapunzel (the costume was kindly bought by Tyler's mom--we cannot afford the Disney store fancy versions).

Smart Baby?

I have had quite a few people comment on how Elanor is quite a smart little girl. I think a lot of it has to do with how well she talks. However, it got me thinking about how parents can influence their child's intellect. Obviously, a lot can happen when the baby is in the womb. For example, many babies who have mothers that drink alcohol and/or do drugs while pregnant seriously harm their baby and the baby is often born mentally retarded, while under normal circumstances it would not have been born that way.  Once a baby is born, the parents, of course, can do a lot to stimulate (in a good way) their baby's mind. 

When I was pregnant, I was of course making a baby inside my body. I wanted to provide the best possible environment because I was growing a human being for goodness sake! I was essentially lending my body to someone else to "use" and I really needed it to be as healthy as possible to provide an ideal home for nine months to this completely reliant (on me) little baby. 

Here are 3 things I did while I was pregnant that may or may not have affected Elanor's little brain:

1. I, of course, took my prenatals and took folic acid before actually getting pregnant.

2. I was pretty active and in good health and exercised often before and during pregnancy.
 3. Food--this really needs some subcategories, so:

a) I ate really healthy and was very careful about what I ate. I read a ton of books about pregnancy and about what I should and should not eat. I ate organic whenever possible and hardly ate out. What you eat is very important.

b) I did not eat ANY sugar the entire pregnancy. You heard me, no sugar. Yes, I missed chocolate, but I eventually did not even think about it and it was not hard at all. In every single book I read about pregnancy, it said to not eat sugar. Also, my mom did not eat any sugar while she was pregnant and I basically just followed her good example. Many babies with teen mothers often have ADD or ADHD this has often been linked to the teenage diet of a lot of sugar and other unhealthy choices. I am not saying you have to be like me or my mom, but I decided that if it could help my baby I could skip out on sugar for nine months.

Here on 10 things we have done/do since Elanor was born:

1. Read to her/ have a lot of quality books. From day one we have read to Elanor. Reading to a newborn may feel silly, but they like to hear their parents talk and when you read to them they pick up on the different inflections you use while reading a story and they love it and learn. We read to Elanor before naps and bedtime and whenever she wants. If we let her, she would gladly let us read to her for hours, but we limit it to 3-4 books before nap/bedtime. Since, we have a lot of books (our collection has grown a lot since she was born) Elanor "reads" to herself all the time and I love hearing her "read" stories. She almost always starts out a story with "Once upon a time, a young lady....". Pretty cute. She also has several books memorized or mostly so, such as Goodnight Moon and The Further Tale of Peter Rabbit.

2. We feed her healthy food. Also, I nursed Elanor until she was a year old. I am very careful about what Elanor eats. She did not have any sugar until she turned one and she still has minimal sugar. I make all of our meals and desserts from scratch (occasionally we eat out), buy a lot of organic--especially when it comes to meat, no msg and processed foods, and give her a wide variety of foods as well. We have given her variety from when she started eating solids at 6 months. We did not stick to rice cereal and bananas (we ate that too); Elanor ate whatever we were eating as a baby and still does. We also never bought baby food. We just ground up peas and such in a small food mill (it was $5). We have yet to find a food she does not like and onions and tomatoes are among her favorites. Healthy food makes for healthy bodies and minds.

3. Music. We listen/dance to a lot of music and have since Elanor was a newborn. Elanor has many songs memorized. We probably need to broaden her tastes more though. 

4. Schedule. Having your baby, toddler and even your kid on schedule makes everything easier and your baby is much more likely to be happy and more willing to learn.

5. Play. Inside and outside. Play, play, play. Imagine, pretend, go on adventures. I love inspiring Elanor's imagination with things like fairies. We often try to find fairy houses outside. This includes having limited but quality toys that both encourage imagination and teach your child. See my mom's blogpost on this here.

6. Get out and see stuff. Go to the zoo, the park, the library, a museum, etc. All these help in stimulating their little brains.

7. Talk and Listen. Talk to you baby/toddler/kid all the time. They learn how to talk mostly from their parents. Take the time to listen too, so they will want to talk.
8. Discipline. This one can be hard, but teaching your child rules and boundaries helps them so much. Learning discipline helps a child to focus, do as they are told, be polite, have patience, etc. I am by no means perfect on this one (who is?), but we are both learning and I think it is very important to have a well-behaved and polite child.
9. Do art. We love painting, coloring, sidewalk chalk, etc.

10. Limited T.V. Elanor did not watch any T.V. until she was 18 months old and was really sick. After her first experience (The Many Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh), we started to watch one movie a week (we had a family pizza/movie night). We still do that. Occasionally, Elanor is allowed to watch a little show, but we mostly just do the one movie a week.

We are not a perfect family and our daughter is not a genius. These are just some things we like to do.  Most of this (okay all of it) is just stuff I copied from my own mom. I am not saying you have to do these things or if you don't do them that you are somehow creating a stupid kid. These are just things that are important to us as a family and I thought I would share them with you.  I think most importantly we should "let kids be kids", meaning let them play and have fun. Don't force them to learn, rather make learning fun and something you do everyday.

So, what sort of things do you do with your kids? What do you think about this post? Thoughts, please?